=Absobloodylutelyme=

2005-09-13T23:25:00.002+08:00

A big HI to everyone who's still visiting this blog! I'm still alive, though my Xanga's dead and I have no idea what happened to its template. Oh wells. I think I'm going to modify on the style of this weblog. For the time being I'm just gonna post some articles I find useful for those who aren't afraid of reading in big chunks. Ok, here's one on depression. I seriously think I'm depressed but I tell myself I'm perfectly happy with what I have. Ah, anyway how many non-depressed people are there out there nowadays?

Depression

Lately Lindsay hasn't felt like herself. Her friends have noticed it, too. Kia was surprised when Lindsay turned down her invitation to go shopping last Saturday (she always loves to shop). There was really no reason not to go, but Lindsay just didn't feel like it. Instead, she spent most of Saturday sleeping.

But staying in more than usual isn't the only change in Lindsay. She's always been a really good student, but over the past couple of months her grades have fallen pretty dramatically, and she has trouble concentrating. She's even failed a couple of tests, and she hasn't yet turned in a paper that was due last week.

When she gets home from practice, she's not hungry for dinner. Though she usually manages to eat a little something with her family, she just doesn't have much of an appetite - and nothing seems to taste as good as it used to. After dinner, Lindsay goes to her room, does a bit of homework, and goes to bed. She's not even in the mood to talk on the phone with her friends.

When her mother asks her what's wrong, Lindsay feels like crying but doesn't know why. Everything seems wrong, yet nothing particularly bad has happened. Lindsay just feels sad all the time and can't shake it. Lindsay may not realize it yet, but she is depressed.

Depression is very common and affects as many as one in eight people in their teen years. Depression affects people of every color, race, economic status, or age; however, it does seem to affect more females than males during adolescence and adulthood.

How Do People Respond to Someone Who's Depressed?

Sometimes friends or family members can recognize that a person is depressed. They may respond with love, kindness, or support, hoping that the sadness will soon pass. They may offer to listen if the person wants to talk - although depressed people often don't feel much like talking or can't find the words to describe what's wrong. If the depressed feeling doesn't pass with a little time, friends or loved ones may encourage the person to get help from a doctor or mental health professional.

But not everyone recognizes depression when it happens to someone they know. And some people have incorrect ideas about what it means to be depressed. People who don't understand may react to the depressed person's low energy with criticism, scolding them for acting lazy or not trying. Some people mistakenly believe that depression is simply an attitude a person can change or a mood they can shake. It's not that easy.

Many people just don't realize that depression can cause so many problems or so much pain. Sometimes even people who are depressed don't take their condition seriously enough. Some people have the mistaken belief that depression comes from weakness or is a character flaw. This myth causes some people to hide their depression. Feeling embarrassed, they may avoid getting help.

Occasionally, when depression causes physical symptoms, a person may see their doctor and be relieved to have a normal physical exam. Once in a while, even a well-meaning doctor may minimize or even overlook a person's depression by concluding that there's nothing wrong when medical tests come back normal.

Why Do People Get Depressed? There is no single cause for depression. Many factors play a role including genetics, environment, medical conditions, life events, and certain thinking patterns that affect a person's reaction to events.

Research has revealed that depression runs in families and suggests that some people inherit genes that make it more likely for them to get depressed. But not everyone who has the genetic makeup for depression actually gets depression. And many people who have no family history of depression have the condition. So, although genes are one factor, they aren't the single cause of depression.

Life events - for example, the death of a close family member or friend - can go beyond normal grief and can sometimes lead to depression.

Family and social environment also play a role. For some teens, a negative, stressful, or unhappy family atmosphere can affect their self-esteem and lead to depression.

Social conditions like poverty, homelessness, and community violence can make it more likely for people to become depressed.

For some teens, undiagnosed learning disabilities may block school success, hormonal changes may affect mood, or physical illness may present challenges or setbacks. With or without the genetics for depression, any of these can set the stage for depression.

Substance abuse can cause chemical changes in the brain that affect mood - alcohol and some drugs are known to have depressant effects. The negative social and personal consequences of substance abuse can also lead to severe unhappiness and depression.

Certain medical conditions can affect hormone balance and therefore have an effect on mood. Some conditions, such as hypothyroidism, are known to cause a depressed mood in some people. When these medical conditions are diagnosed and treated by a doctor, the depression usually disappears.

What Happens in the Brain When Someone Is Depressed?

Depression involves the brain's delicate chemistry - specifically, it involves chemicals called neurotransmitters. These chemicals assist in transmitting messages between nerve cells in the brain.

Certain neurotransmitters regulate mood. When they are not available in sufficient quantities, the result can be depression.

The brain's response to stressful events, such as any of those described above, may alter the balance of neurotransmitters and result in depression.

Sometimes, a person may experience depression without any particular sad or stressful event that they can point to. People who have a genetic predisposition to depression may be more prone to the imbalance of neurotransmitter activity that is part of depression.

Medications that are used to treat depression work by helping to restore the proper balance of neurotransmitters.

Types of DepressionFor some people, depression can be intense and occur in bouts that last for weeks at a time. For others, depression can be less severe but can linger at a low level for years.
Doctors who treat depression distinguish between these two forms, diagnosing the more severe, short-lasting form as major depression, and the longer-lasting but less severe form as dysthymia.

A third form of depression that may be diagnosed is called adjustment disorder with depressed mood. It refers to a depressive reaction to a specific life event (such as a death, divorce, or other loss) when the adjustment to the loss takes longer than the normally expected time frame or is more severe than expected and interferes with the person's daily activities.

Bipolar disorder (also sometimes called manic depressive illness) is another depressive condition that involves periods of major depression mixed with periods of mania. Mania is the term for abnormally high mood and extreme bursts of unusual activity or energy.

What Are the Symptoms of Depression? These are some symptoms that people have when they're depressed:

depressed mood or sadness most of the time (for what may seem like no reason)
lack of energy and feeling tired all the time
inability to enjoy things that used to bring pleasure
withdrawal from friends and family
irritability, anger, or anxiety
inability to concentrate
significant weight loss or gain
significant change in sleep patterns (inability to fall asleep, stay asleep, or get up in the morning)
feelings of guilt or worthlessness
aches and pains (even though nothing is physically wrong)
pessimism and indifference (not caring about anything in the present or future)
thoughts of death or suicide

When someone has five or more of these symptoms most of the time for 2 weeks or longer, that person is probably depressed. Sometimes people go through bouts where these symptoms are really intense; other times these same feelings could be present at a lower level all the time for years. Some people have just one episode of depression, or they may go on to have more than one after being better for a while. When a person has had more than one bout with major depression, a doctor will diagnose the person as having major depressive disorder.

Teens who are depressed may also show other warning signs or symptoms. They may have increased problems at school because of skipped classes, lack of interest or motivation, or poor concentration and low mental energy caused by depression. Some teens drop out altogether, expecting to fail because of their problems.

For depressed teens who are already feeling self-critical and experiencing low self-esteem, a failure experience at school may simply be more than they can bear. They may not realize that depression is causing concentration problems, and their negative thoughts are probably causing them to mistakenly conclude that they are stupid. They also may express feelings of anger or indifference by drinking or doing drugs.

Some teens with depression have other problems, too, that can intensify their feelings of worthlessness or inner pain. Teens who cut themselves, those who have extreme feelings of ugliness, and teens who have eating disorders may have unrecognized depression that needs attention.

Everyone has some ups and downs, and occasional sadness is a normal emotion. The normal stresses of life can cause teens to feel sad every once in a while. Things like an argument with a friend, a breakup, doing poorly on a test, not being chosen for a sport, a best friend moving out of town, or the death of a loved one can lead to feelings of sadness, hurt, disappointment, or grief. These reactions are usually brief and go away with a little time and care.

Depression is more than feeling blue, sad, or down in the dumps once in a while, though. Depression is a strong mood involving sadness, discouragement, despair, or hopelessness that lasts for weeks, months, or even longer, and interferes with a person's ability to participate in their normal activities.

Depression affects a person's thoughts, outlook, and behavior as well as their mood. In addition to a depressed mood, a person with depression may also experience other symptoms like tiredness, irritability, and appetite changes.

When a person has depression, the world looks bleak, and the person's thoughts reflect the hopelessness and helplessness they feel. People with depression tend to have negative and self-critical thoughts. Sometimes, despite their true value, people with depression can feel worthless and unlovable.

Depression can cloud everything, making even small problems seem overwhelming. People who are depressed can't see a bright future ahead and feel powerless to change things for the better. They may feel like giving up. They may cry at small things or cry for no apparent reason at all.
Because of their deep feelings of sadness and their low energy, people with depression sometimes pull away from people around them or from activities they once enjoyed. This only causes them to feel more lonely and isolated, making the depression worse.

Depression can be mild or severe. At its worst, depression can create such feelings of despair that a person thinks about suicide.

Depression can cause physical symptoms, too. Some people have an upset stomach, loss of appetite, weight gain or loss, headaches, and sleeping problems when they're depressed.

Getting Help

Depression is one of the most common emotional problems. The good news is that it's also one of the most treatable conditions. There are professionals who can help. In fact, about 80% of people who get help for their depression have a better quality of life - they function better and enjoy themselves in a way that they weren't able to before.

Treatment for depression can include talk therapy, medication, or a combination of both.
Talk therapy with a mental health professional is very effective in treating depression. Therapy sessions help people understand depression and what they can do about it.

Sometimes medicine may be prescribed for a person who has depression. When a doctor prescribes medicine, he or she will carefully monitor the person to make sure he or she gets the right dose. The doctor will adjust the dose as necessary. Medicines can take a few weeks before the person feels the medicine working. Because every person's brain is different, what works well for one person might not be good for another.

People who are depressed shouldn't wait and hope it will go away on its own because depression can be effectively treated. Friends or others need to step in if someone seems severely depressed and isn't getting help. Many teens find that opening up to parents or to other adults they trust can help. Simply saying, "I've been feeling really down lately and I think I'm depressed," can be a good way to open the discussion. Ask your parent to arrange an appointment with a therapist.

People who are extremely depressed and who may be thinking about hurting themselves or about suicide need help as soon as possible. When depression is this severe, it is a very real medical emergency, and an adult must be notified. Most communities have suicide hotlines where people can get guidance and support in an emergency.

Although it's important to be supportive, trying to cheer up a friend or reasoning with him or her probably won't work to help depression or suicidal feelings go away. Depression can be so strong that it outweighs a person's ability to respond to reason. Even if your friend has asked you to promise not to tell, this is a situation where telling can save a life. The most important thing a depressed person can do is to get the right treatment.

Depression - and the suffering that goes with depression - is real. Depression doesn't make a person "crazy." Just as things can go wrong in all other organs of the body, things can go wrong in the most important organ of all: the brain. Luckily, most teens who get help for their depression go on to have fulfilling, happy teen and adult years - and most importantly, to enjoy life and feel better about themselves.

Reviewed by: D'Arcy Lyness, PhD Date reviewed: August 2003

2005-08-26T23:31:00.000+08:00

http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=Channery

My new location. Xanga's fun, yup. DO NOT RELINK ME as metamorphosing.blogspot shall rise again.

2005-08-21T00:48:00.000+08:00

She told him off. Never. She doesn't need a closing ceremony for it.
Honestly does he even CARE about all these she has been doing for him?
Doesn't he remember the nights they spent together on the porch?
Doesn't he remember the hate letter he wrote her when they're in 5th grade?
And how she burnt it, for him.
No more afternoons spent staring at each other through the glass windows.
And all these lies..or maybe they aren't to him, right. He's an angel boy.
If he knows what's good for him, why should she stand in the way?
Look, the world isn't crashing down on you.
He's happy, she's happy, she's happy, he's happy, everyone's happy and things are just fine. Nothing more to be added, nothing else to be said. She promised never to take him anywhere.

Yeah, wherever YOU want to go.
She'll be getting a new life after crying behind those walls.
It's nice seeing him walk away with a satisfied smile.
Smiling through the tears just make you feel more sorry for yourself.
At least she can make him appreciate all these which she can't.

2005-08-20T00:09:00.000+08:00

Sorry for that strange post, last night I wasn't in a right state of mind.

Anyway, I experienced it again. That sensation, that illusion, the weird feeling or perhaps...a memory? It's a really vague memory and I find it hard to describe it as it doesn't involve any visuals or audios. It's just feelings. To put it much simply, it's a sickening feeling of something like rolling downhill on a large sphere. I could feel myself being really small comparing to the large solid I am on/in and the sensation is familiar yet dreadful. UHHH...It's impossible to decribe it in any way. It's not even a memory, not a sensation...just something that flashes through my whole body like lightning and I would, for that moment, detach from the outside world completely, losing all my senses and only feeling the sensation created by the 'thing' . I call it a 'luzion'. This luzion is familiar to me as I have had it for years. After watching the "In The Womb" series on National Geographics, I'm starting to think that this is a piece of memory gathered during the time I was an embryo. Maybe it became blurred as time passed by. It could be about me turning and flipping inside the womb.

Still it's disturbing. But as I get older, it's starting to appear less and less frequent. Maybe I'll even. what. miss it?

STOP BLOGGIN ON SUCH FRIGGIN STRANGE STUFF UUHHH.

I don't feel the pain when I'm cut or being hit. I am feeling exceptionally optimistic and enthusiastic. Please, no mood swings. Go back to your book NOW!

2005-08-19T00:09:00.000+08:00

WAHAHAHAHAHAHA YIPEEEEEEE HAHAHAHAHAHAHA IM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HIIIIGH!!! JUMPSJUMPSJUMPSJUMPS AROUND ON DA SPOT WHEEEEEEEEE~~!! HEY XD U RULE WUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA LAAAADEEEDAAAAA MUAHAHAHAHA. LOOK AT ME! I'M HAPPY SO HAPPY SOOOOOOOOO HAPPY HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. right.

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG TOMORROW WE ARE HAVING....MATH TEST! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HOW NICE. lalalalalalala. Uh-Uh-Uh. HEH! EXCITINGEXCITING OMGOMG HEHE. okKKAYYY.
hey, guess what?
XD FINISHED HER TUBE OF JELLY BEANS!!!!!!!!!! WAHAHAHAHAHA.
You terribly stupidified mortified petrified terrified disgustin' girl.
HAHAHAHAHAHA.
Get a life, won't you?
Going round calling others BIG TOES when you are having one sore one right down there turning black. HOW MEAN...LALALALALALALA. HAHA. ONE DAY IM GONNA WALK UP TO U AND TELL U U SUCK COZ U WON'T SPEAK TO ME U SUCK U SUCK U SUCK.
XD sucks. HAHAHA. DEEDUMDEEDUM LALALA. wadeverrr. NO ONE CARES ABOUT ME NOBODY LIKES ME OMGOGM EVERYONE HATES ME! haha, DI is so depressed. U ARE EVERYONE U ARE NO ONE U ARE MISERABLE WITHOUT ME. i knew it, I KNEW IT <33333333333
Have your brain working girl FINE? yesomgomgomgiamomg.
whispers: di sucks
whispers: di is stupid
You're the best thing that has happened to me. urggggghhhh.
You've liked someone? YESYESYESYESYES
really?
NO, HEH.
You think Maths is hot? NO
really?
WADDYA THINK? maths is fun but it's not hot. it probably makes me sweat more than usual though.
HAHA. ********* U DESERVE TO BE FLUSHED DOWN THE TOILET BOWL AND GET WASHED INTO THE NILE AND SWALLOWED UP BY AN OCTOPUS AND THEN PASSED OUT INTO THE MOUTH OF A SHARK AND THEN GET SHOT UP INTO THE MOON WHICH WILL BITE YOU HARD.

I'm so delusional. I'm so scared. HAHA. I'm scared. Scared of everything I touch I feel.
But you keep my comforted.
haha. how kind of you. RIGHT?

whispers: di is reserved with her thoughts
UH-UH-UH
whispers: di is dancing like flame

2005-08-18T18:32:00.000+08:00

For Epee today only Maple and I were there. It's was fun though, as we get to fence 50 points! We were both badly bruised after that. During the bout I imagined we were knights of the middle age and it's a one shot thing. If that's not a fantasy, she belongs to heaven now then I guess. (=P sticks out tongue)

I bought a tube of jelly beans at 7-11. They taste so good, like the best candy I've ever had. It reminds me of the time I was a Brownie in primary school. There was this girl who was 2 yrs younger than me and she always carried a giant milk bottle containing a lot of colourful jelly beans of all shapes and sizes wherever she went. She shared them with us everytime during meetings and camps. How sweet. I miss the brownies days. I wonder if E-lin is reading this. She's my old brownies buddy. <:) I'm sure she misses those days as well.

I have lost contact with a lot of old friends like Christine, David, Lavender, Tzu Wei, another David, Jin Hwee (spelling?). A sudden wave of sadness is creeping up to me and drowning me. They mean a lot to me. For example, Lavender is the first friend I made in my memory since primary one and I don't even know her surname! I only remember her brown hair, her nice features, her smile, a really pretty sticker she pasted on my file and how I loved her name. Somehow it's talking to Flora yesterday which reminded me of her. They're very much alike I must say.

I shall share with you the 10 things on my mind at the current moment:

Jelly beans , Autumn woods , The suburb , A boy who drives an old van and doesn't talk much, Hardwood, Christmas party, Baggy socks, A good cry over Korean dramas, Changi beach, Black pinafore

My thoughts can be really amusing at times. *hysterical laugh*

When the Present has latched its postern behind my tremulous stay
And the May month flaps it glad green leaves like wings
Delicate-filmed as new-spun silk
Will my friends say
'She was a girl who used to notice such things'?

2005-08-14T23:06:00.000+08:00

Well, don't feel like turning in yet.
Maybe I don't want to face the next day (though it's Monday which is a good day considering we have only 3 periods and that includes ART). For your information, I'm taking art elective, triple science and geography in secondary three.

As long as I don't sleep, it's still To-day. There's always the bestest thing in world waiting there for me - sleep, before To-morrow comes. I love To-day because I get to sleep.

Ways I try to escape from time and reality:
1. Staying in the shower for as long as I can, playing with water
2. Staring into space and fantasizing
3. Playing the out-of-tune piano
4. Singing in my room
5. Reading through old magazines over and over again in bed before bed so that I don't have to sleep
6. Opening MSN window and closing it immediately (x50 times)

I just finished the explanation on my weird painting that I did a week ago for Art. It's gothic, a distorted image of Marilyn Monroe. It's bad I know, but well, the essay seems quite alright though. I like painting with really thick and gooey paint, it just feels right. I want to try oil painting again!

Today I went to support the U14 team. Eileen and Charlotte did well (comparing to my first competition). Epee is really pathetic, 5 ppl, always 1 out for team events. But everyone's improving (esp that tall tall huirong...) and it's hard to decide who deserve to be in. Everyone has their strengths. Should we randomize it or follow the kill-or-be-killed rule I don't know. To randomly pick members is only fair. YOU GO!! TEAM RGS!! And I thought I saw Royce, not very sure it's him though so I asked Charlotte but she's not very sure either. Haha, should've asked him to help Charlotte with her swollen foot since he's from RC. Doubt he even knows who I am but I thought he looked at my CAP T-shirt for a moment...wells.

I received a call from PSB telling me I got through my first round today. It's kinda late you see so I've given up hopes last week. I feel very confused about things right now. Someone can sacrifice so much for you but you always turn out to be the lucky one. By accepting what is given to me now is like betraying someone's trust.

Cuteness is one thing.

2005-08-09T23:56:00.000+08:00

It's about managing your anger at the toughest time. Actually it's nothing but I was burning hot at that time. My family and I went to East Coast in the morning and I went to rent a bike and left my EZlink there and that guy just won't give me back when I went back to retrieve it. I didn't understand what's the problem with him and I talked to him really calmly but like he's so rude. HELLO?? He took it from me to give to that auntie at the counter to copy down stuff and then he didn't give me back so I thought they're keeping it until I was going to return the bike. Before I got the bike from that guy, I was waiting for registration at the counter and he just came and rode my bike out and I was like HEY THAT'S MY BIKE and went running after him and he just glared at me and said I was blocking the way since I was done with my registration I should jolly well get out. *buffing up like a buffer fish* He asked me to go away as he's busy with costumers and said they don't keep EZlinks. FUNNY RIGHT? So I argued with him somemore until I couldn't keep up with the convo anymore without starting to yell at him. I asked him to PLEASE look around for me to see if it's anywhere and he just stared at me blankly like he couldn't understand English. Rahhh...

*breathe in and SMILE* I went to the counter auntie to negotiate and still aunties like me more. She just smiled and I asked if she remembered me - that girl who came to rent a bike an hour ago and she said yes and I told her my problem and it's really with her. She said I forgot to take it (and HE *FORGOT* to give me since he rode my bike away) so she kept it there with her, intending to return me when I went back to return the bike. I wonder if he's experiencing severe pms.

Speaking of aunties, I must say it's a strange phenomenon- I always find myself being caressed by a pair of warm rough hands on buses/trains and a really sweet looking auntie (usually around 60+) will offer me her seat. This has happened 3 times. For Maple, it happened once. And I very often engage myself (hey im the passive victim here!) in EXCITING conversations with aunties while waiting for my shuttle bus. The topics range from kids' education to the location of the nearest wet market to how their daughter's friend's next-door-neighbour's kid is getting herself into an affair with somebody's nephew's friend who stays near to where we were. And the fact is I didn't contribute anything that might keep the EXCITING chit-chatting session going. They are usually aunties asking for time or direction and ending up going on and on and on about such interesting issues that surround people from their age-group. Maple always thinks I'm maturing too fast and *HEM* thus ending up building good relationships with friendly aunties.
I hate smoothering him and treating him like a little boy.
Anyway, I rode the bike to the western-most part of the park. It's blocked with road barriers as usual. Sigh. I miss the old times when my dad and I used to ride to the long stretches of deserted beaches before those road barriers were put up. We could find loads of stuff there during low tide like small starfish and things. =))

Driving past the forest near Marina Bay, I was shocked. The trees in the center were gone. So what exactly is the use of us studying Geog? Learning all about deforestation and having to witness all these taking place right before us. That small piece of forest is probably the nicest part of the island. From an unit in Costa del Sol , the seaview after the stretch of nice pine forest (I think it's pine) is fantastic. The window view is sorta like a painting. But now what? Singapore is developing across the waters and now the trees are gone and the next thing you know buildings are starting to arise and TA-DA - what's left? Don't they care? Don't they care? I hate learning Geog, I hate being exposed to the ugly truth, I hate to think about the million and one ways our earth is being tortured and rotting away and the human race is being threatened.

Anyhow, welcome home DISCOVERY! I'm in love with Steve Robinson. I almost cried watching the landing of the shuttle, finally getting rid of the fear of history repeating itself (Columbia). Maple will be working in NASA one day and I'll so proud of her. But hey, they spent like 200m on failed research and this 200m could have done so much for the people in Chitsungo, Zimbabwe. Oh anyway...

Maple thinks Korean dramas have the most cliché storylines and absolutely loathes them. I know they are retarded but gee, I still love them. *(A walk to remember has similar plot) Tragic love stories which always turn out with the girl having cancer and dies and the guy commiting suicide. Good night.

2005-08-08T15:45:00.000+08:00

I was clearing my drawer just now and I found THIS. Please download to see it in full size, it's sooo funny! Ok I have no idea what they called these little booklets we received daily during CAP but I didn't really bother to read them...until now. Haha, this one is especially hilarious. By Brendan Foo (spelling?) from ACJC, hmm, I remember that guy. From mime and acted as one of the 'cool police' right? Ok anyway, he did this poetry slam with Matthew C. and they came in champion. Honestly I wasn't very convinced that they ought to get it (though none other groups did better, so well...) but after I studied the script I found it to be really cool. It's really cute =) After all, CAPPERS are talented and gifted people. But nah, creative writing is not my thing definitely. [In reply to the scribbled words on the top right hand corner:] Nay, it's not anything rgs-handwriting-ish, not even near to it. If you wanna get a better idea of what true rgs handwriting is, go steal a glance at chelz's file. I have no clue how that girl print everything so perfectly in that ever-so-original rgs handwriting. I don't have it but occasionally I give the 'a's a longer tail and 'r's a V-ish look.

National Day is BORING. I can vividly picture thos days in primary school when we used to enjoy it sooo much. Have a happy rainy birthday S'pore then.

Absence sharpens love, presence strengthens it. I fell for you, but I hope I didn't. Don't ever throw me that smile again because I tried so hard to pretend and I couldn't. What right have you to make me temporarily insane...

2005-08-06T21:24:00.000+08:00

CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY
the best prize in the world...is a sur-prize
willy wonka is sho cute >.<
HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE
sad and just, plain S-A-D
GOOGLE EARTH
Yipee, in the years to come the resolution will become better and I will be able to zoom through windows and spy on everything happening inside then, only I don't think such features will be released to public. Hope it doesn't.

Hey, I love you guys. You really made my day. =)

2005-08-05T22:39:00.000+08:00

*screams* Maplewoods, our dear MR.KUAN... >.<

2005-08-05T18:14:00.000+08:00

Hi. Have you ever felt guilty in front of another person simply because of the kind of angel in her? I was weeping over it this afternoon. Sometimes I really really want to slap myself hard on the face, after cursing someone behind their backs and only to realize it's entirely MY fault not to get to know them better in the first place, as I should. I'm kind of confused about the attitude I should adopt towards these really mean people, at least those who are mean on the outside. I hope I can be like Jamie someday, loving others from the bottom of the heart despite the cruel way she was being treated. You feel sinful by just standing next to her, because she is so pure. It's easy to treat others well no matter what they do, on the surface that is. But I'll end up gritting my teeth and re-running the stupid things those people have done to me with Maple when I turn my head and wishing I had never had them in my life. Hmm, this girl really got me into some thinking. CONTROL YOURSELF XD, *slaps self*.

Meet...........................Jamie Sullivan, from "A Walk To Remember" by Nicholas Sparks. ^.&

While we do not look at the things which are seen,
but at the things which are not seen.
For the things which are seen are temporary ,
but the things which are not seen are eternal.

Romance can sometimes be much more than trashy love stories I guess.

P.S. I really really really really really wanna live back in the 1950s - 1960s...The culture, the way of life, the way they dress, the well-preserved traditions, the...everything...Oh how jealous I am of my parents...

2005-08-02T19:24:00.000+08:00

Comparison of our window views

Sunday was a whole day Chinese Performance Task race at Peirong's house. Snapped a few photos there of us playing tennis (with still a lot to go for the project). It was pathetic I must say. With only 1 pro-tennis player there, we were only left with 1 ball in the end...As you can see from the above picture of Wanxin using her PRECIOUS racket trying to dig out one of the lost ball that landed in the bushes. How kind of her...1 other ball flew happily into the Singapore River and made itself a glamorous history and another lucky one got stuck on a tree. Tennis is a really common social game and I seriously need to make an effort to ah, grab some techniques. (But anyway, it's not as fun as fencing and I'll get heatstroke playing tennis) Chinese PT was presented today to the class. Quite cool mus'ay. Just that I spoke too fast in the beginning but that's so much better than exceeding the time limit.

The first photo is one taken at the ACSI chamber concert. It's here only to serve the purpose of filling up the gap :P

Above there's a Racial Harmony Day photo. Unfortunately, my dear computer broke down suddenly and I forgot to save the photos onto a CD, ended up saying sayonara to most of the photos for quite a few occasions. This photo has survived the crisis though. It's nice, isn't? Somehow I'm quite glad I lost so many photos. Sometimes storing too much of a memory in digi pics is bad, some things are not meant to be recorded. If they really are to be remembered, yeh don't really need pictures to do the job.

2005-07-23T16:39:00.000+08:00

I was reading Catherine Lim's short stories collection The Shadow Of A Shadow Of A Dream last night and found it equally haunting as her other works. The situations the stories portray explicitly are still familiar to Singaporeans nowadays and well, I like the atmosphere of the setting in the 60s' 70s' Singapore. The exotic flavors are stronger. I like her themes although sometimes it gets a bit too predictable. It's all about women and lives of women living in the traditional Chinese society's demands (and most of it feature a Caucasian, differences in class, an old servant/grandma, superstitions). The girl Karen in "Karen" is a disturbing character, she reminds me of a person whom I noticed not long ago. The ending of the story is strange, I didn't examine it carefully but did this stepdad tell her own daughter that he's attracted to his stepdaughter? And flies have found their ways to Carla's head.

I have to go to the concert now. I still find the expression of "a washing machine" interesting. What does it mean by a "washing machine" you may wonder, it simply implies some souls are STUPID, U POKHEAD, wuahahahaha. Ok, sorry about that.

2005-07-21T17:02:00.000+08:00

[Edited]

I feel very sad.

I couldn't believe I dozed off on the bus and slept my way to IMM. I had no money left with me since I spent most of them on the photo-odering which I forgot was today. And worst is, I had my EZ-link with no value at all. So I walked a long way (the overhead bridge was under construction) to the opp side to take a bus back. However, the bus didn't go to where the shuttle-bus station was but went all the way to the other side and I had to walk back home baking.

Somewhere nearing the road junction I saw a plump old lady who was holding on to a plastic bag and saying something to me which I couldn't understand, I think it's some Chinese dialect. She had most of her front teeth missing and I couldn't make out a single thing she's saying. I thought she needed my handphone since I always carry it outside and she saw it so I lent it to her. At first I thought she's looking for money to pay me so I said nono auntie don't have to but she's muttering and mumbling all along and taking out all the stuff in her pocket to find her phone number. So I waited as she searched. All the stuff inside her pocket were like stained yellow and looked as if they're things from decades ago. When she couldn't find a thing she started sobbing then crying then yelling like a insane person.

Finally she found it and you won't believe how bad my luck could get...my handphone went out of battery at the same time. I tried to tell her how my handphone won't work and she didn't seem to get it and she thought I wouldn't lend it to her so she started begging me and crying. I was scared I must say. I told her "auntie ni3 bu2 yao4 ku1, jiejie yi1 ding4 bang1 ni3 zhao3 dian4 hua4..." and not realizing I called myself "jiejie" when she's like 40/50 years older than me. She seemed like a little kid who couldn't find her mommy to me. It's burning out there and it's definitely not a very accessible place you see. I stood by the roadside and waved at every passing car but none stopped, the most was throwing us a curious glance. Then came an ACSI guy, and he's definitely older than me since he's wearing long pants and although I didn't say anything (which I should), I threw him the glance that I needed help. And couldn't he see there's an abnormal auntie beside me and being a guy he should offer some help?? But he didn't even look over and just walked hurriedly past.

The auntie behaved strangely, I suspect she's suffering from Alzheimer's disease. She cried and wouldn't explain to me why she's lost and who she is and stuff, but even if she did I wouldn't be able to understand. At one point of time, I was so scared that she's suffering from an asthma/heart attack as she started panting heavily and sat down on the ground and holding her chest. I continued to call on cars and trying to comfort her with all sorts of things. I didn't realize I was repeating my line that I would definitely help her that she started yelling something like (I think) "zen3 me zhao3" in a very frustrated manner. I wanted to buy her a drink or something as she looked as if she had been walking for days. But it's at least 500m walk from the nearest shop and somemore I had no money with me. If I had I'd brought her onto a taxi IF she knew where she stayed. Her skin looked sunburnt and she showed me her swollen feet and said stuff. Finally after like half an hour I managed to stop a cab.

Me: Hello Uncle, can I borrow your handphone for a while because this auntie has lost her way and my handphone ran out of battery. *whisper* I think she's not acting normally.

He asked me for the slip of paper and I gave him and he told me he think that it's somewhere in Telok Blangah judging from the number. I wonder if she walked all the way here...The number turned out to be one that's not in use so I tried to call the 2nd one on the paper and she started crying again and yelling stuff like "It's the top one...it's the top one..." (the first number on the top) and the number got through but she listened and said something like it's not someone she knew. Then the uncle said I should bring her to the police station down the road and I told him I didn't know the way and I begged him to take her there. He wouldn't and I couldn't leave her there as she might get herself into troubles like car accident, asthma/heart attack, death caused by hunger/thirst, emotional traumas/robbery etc. So I took her across the road and I looked just like those typical primary school composition pictures' kids who helped old ladies cross the road. She just couldn't stop crying and I said everything nice on earth I could ever think of and she didn't understand so I had to pet her shoulder and tell her not to worry. It worked until that taxi uncle U-turned back to me and told me to bring her onto the car as he's bringing her to the police. I said gently that the uncle's "hao3 xin1 ren2" and told her that he'll take her home but she clinched onto the fence and shook her head and repeated "pa4 pa4..", "wo3 bu2 yao4...wo3 bu2 yao4..." while crying and losing her voice from doing so. Then I told her I'd go with her and would definitely bring her home but she wouldn't go. After soooooo long the uncle told me to go home and he'd call the police over. I felt very sad that I was leaving her to the police as I promised her I'd help her to find her house. At first I wouldn't leave and the uncle called the police and he told me to go and I left. She cried and stared at me while retreating. I ran across the road without turning back and until I reached the turn I turned back and saw the auntie walking slowly down the unfamiliar road with the uncle watching on her and waiting for the police to come.

Then I started to cry out of guilt fear and plain sadness of seeing old people like her. It's not as the same as when a child cries. I just felt so overwhelmed by emotions. I cried and I didn't care I cried and this maid with this boy stared at me. When I got home I told mom everything.
Did she lose her way or was she abandoned? I just hope the police would talk to her nicely and not scare her and send her back home. God bless the auntie who lost her way?

[linan: it's the seventh month now...] *shrieks*